Posts tagged porn
Review: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio
Mar 15th
My latest review can be found over at Eden Fantasys right here. If you love everything to do with cock sucking, you might want to check it out since this movie contains two hours of total blowjob madness. Go have a look!
Review: Reign of Tera 3
Dec 11th
Before I get into the review itself, I’d like to talk a little about the postal service. Apparently they think anything sent in a padded envelope is meant for destruction, because when my DVD arrived the packaging well torn to shreds. I would suggest that EF start sending their DVDs in a bubble envelope rather than the thick multi-layered paper ones they use. I hate plastic as much as anyone else and recycle almost everything, but if this were a DVD I really wanted and I had purchased I would be irritated that it arrived this way. The rest of the plastic pieces were floating around inside the case along with the DVD itself that had become dislodged from its place during shipping.
Now for the review – I really wish that the opening credits on Reign of Tera 3 were set up in a better manner. Since I’m not familiar with what all of the 13 actresses look like, it’s going to be near impossible for me to name who is in each scene. Also, there is not mention of the male actors in the credits. This definitely is a negative since male actors do matter to me when looking for something I’d like to watch. When looking at the small print on the front of the box you can see that the male actors are Spyder Jonez, Tommy Gunn, Scott Nails, Jack Lawrence and Jerry Alec Knight. As soon as I read the male actors I had a big “Oh fuck no.” moment since I have only heard of Tommy Gunn and Scott Nails and don’t really like either one of them. Also, as soon as the opening credits roll you can see a man who I’m sure nobody on this earth would like to see naked. I would later find out that this was Spyder Jonez, the director of the film.
For the scenes I will attempt to look up the names and match with the faces of the actresses in order to tell you who is in each scene.
In the first scene we have Jack Lawrence and who I believe to be Michelle Maylene according to IAFD. From the very first scene I determined that this movie is attempting to have a plot. The acting is bad enough that I had to look up the plot to see what was going on – apparently someone is trying to overthrow Tera’s “reign” in the “Asian Love Palace. (Yes, Asian Love Palace, I kid you not.)
Jack Lawrence gets sent into Tera’s office and there is no lead up to anything, just Jack starts going at it. And not in a good way like everyone’s favorite Frenchman, but in an awkward “I totally don’t want to be here, but they’re paying me to so let’s get at it” kind of way. Yeah, not hot. The girl’s facial expressions coupled with Jack’s cock never getting fully hard makes for a bummer of a scene:
The next scene is Tera Patrick and Spyder Jonez. As I said before, Spyder Jonez is not someone you would ever want to see naked. I don’t expect porn actors to look like models by any means, but when they look like a, according to my boyfriend, constipated walrus, it’s just not something I’m going to want to see. Looking past Spyder’s appearance, the scene still lacks, well, everything. It starts out with Spyder fingering Tera’s ass and making her lick it. Honestly, I’m usually fine with anal play in films, but this is just rather gross since he keeps repeatedly spitting on her ass. You can see the spit droplets in the screen shot. You can tell neither one of them wants to be doing it.
After the ass fingering is over, the ass fucking begins. I don’t hate this, but it’s not inspiring and it doesn’t really turn me on. At least it doesn’t totally turn my stomach. Spyder then starts touching Tera’s clit. Rubbing nicely isn’t quite the right phrase, he more or less pulls back her clitoral hood and pokes at her clit. This sounds ways less than pleasant to me.
Then we get the ending. . .a watery cumshot that looks more like 7-Up than come.
If you’re still not convinced, this is the film that gave birth to the name “constipated walrus.” I sadly wouldn’t recommend this scene to my worst enemy.
The next scene is what I call a gay-for-pay lesbian orgy with 9 of the girls. It starts out with them all throwing rose petals at each other and towards the camera. This basically sets the mood. The flower throwing seems to go on and on and I honestly think it would be boring even for a guy who just wants anything at all to help him get off. After the flowers it switches to boob licking – I don’t say sucking because they honestly seem scared of nipples. Include some nasty-looking double-ended dildos and some cheap panty-style strap-ons and you’ve got the scene.
The last scene is no better than the rest and doesn’t have any good highlights. Honestly, I wouldn’t wish this porn on my worst enemy. I think everyone should have the right to a well-made porn and not have to watch complete crap.
However, if something in my review made you interested in this, you can find it over at EdenFantasys by clicking the link below.
 DVD by Vivid
Cast: Lucy Thai, Nautica Thorn, Jade Hsu, Mika Tan
Dvd feature: Web site access, Chapter Selections, Interactive Menus |
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| This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. | ||
Review: Blacklight Beauty
Nov 17th
When I saw the cover of Blacklight Beauty I was immediately drawn in and thought, “I have to have that.” Unlike some covers that have a random blonde girl on the cover showing you her pussy, Blacklight Beauty’s cover is stylish and almost puts you in an erotic trance even though the film hasn’t even started.
The beginning of the film starts out kind of slow for my tastes, but I’ve never been one for teasing and looking at the performers in clothing before the scene. I’m more into wall-to-wall sex in my porn. But if you like a nice tease beforehand, you’ll really enjoy the beginning of the scenes. After that it quickly improves with hot scenes and one of the best porn soundtracks I have ever heard. I’m usually not a fan of music in my porn, but if it has to be there, this is the music it should be. It doesn’t take away from the scene at all, but rather, it enhances the mood of the film.
Sitting through all 10 scenes (yes, 10) was neither challenging nor a chore, but I did find one of the latter scenes, which includes clown sex, to not be my cup of tea. If the performer had not been wearing the clown mask however, it may have been one of my favorite scenes. I’ve decided not to do a breakdown scene by scene as covering all 10 would be a bit challenging and also probably put you to sleep. However, I will list some of the best scenes with a short description of why.
1) James Deen and Riley Mason: I may like this scene the best overall since it’s the one I usually watch first, or sometimes it’s the only one I watch. It has no music, which for me is a plus because you get to hear the actors’ voices more clearly. But mainly, let’s face it, James is hot for a porn guy and Riley is adorable as hell. She also has on fun purple PVC boots with black stars on them.
2) Joanna Angel and the Clown Guy: Yes, there’s a clown. Yes, it’s creepy. But I like Joanna so much that I don’t really care. You can tell she’s into what she’s doing and that for me makes any scene so much better.
3) Allie Sin and two random guys: I usually hate blowjob scenes, but this one is an exception. The trance-like music gives it a more artistic appeal than a traditional mainstream blowjob scene.
Although the style of the film is unique, I could see some getting annoyed with the constant color-tinting (ex. A scene will look entirely washed in purple or green, etc.) and flashing to black & white and back again. While this annoyed me a little bit at times, mostly it was just entertaining and helped Blacklight Beauty to stand out from some other films I have seen.
Attention blowjob lovers: This film is full of them. And I do mean full. There are blowjobs in almost every scene and a couple that only feature and actresses sucking multiple guys’ cocks at once. And oddly, I like them. One scene is shot with Faith and multiple men only lit by a flashlight. While it doesn’t give that highly-produced feel some like, it does make you feel more like you are there or that the scene could have actually happened.
This film was very hard to review, but in closing, if you like alternative porn and are up for a trance-like soundtrack give this one a try. The cast is great and it will definitely break you out of the mainstream porn rut.
Director: JackTheZipper
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.
