Apparently, according to this genius, I should love huge cock.  I don’t mean bigger than average 7″ dick, but “the bigger the better.”  Apparently, I should want to come home to this sucker every night and have it all up in me:

Yeah. . . no.  Why should I want this giant piece of meat?  Well, silly, it’s simple!  According to the second biggest mansplainer I’ve ever come across on the internet, women get more physical and “psychological” pleasure out of huge cock.  Yep, we like ‘em the size of a baseball bat according to this guy.  He says big cocks build more anticipation for sex and prove a guy’s masculinity.  I say bullshit.  Cocks are great in all sizes, but no, I’m wrong according to him:

Many people try to downsize the importance of penis size by claiming that it is just as breast size: “Some women prefer a large penis just like some men prefer large breasts.”As you can see above, this is a false explanation because first of all, the words someshould be replaced by most and secondly, women desire big penises more than men desire big breasts.

Ah, thanks for clarifying, random dude!  So my friend who complains of getting her cervix rammed into oblivion by bigger guys is giving a “false explanation” and really “desires big penises.”  Awesome.  I’ll be sure to inform her that the pain she encounters with larger men is just not real.  She must love big cock because she’s a woman and we’re all the fucking same. I’m so glad this guy was kind enough to enlighten me!

Also, my “vaginal pleasure” will be enhanced:

A woman’s vaginal pleasure during intercourse is greatly although not exclusively dependent on her partner’s penis size. Usually bigger is better until a certain limit which varies somewhat from girl to girl. Some get off more on very thick penises, others more on long ones, and others on a combination of both. This doesn’t mean that an average or small penis can’t give them any satisfaction. Depending on a man’s penis size and her vagina size, she might experience less or more satisfaction (see page 41, Your Chances To Satisfy Your Brand New Girlfriend). Many women are vaginal (need penetration) while others are oral (prefer cunnilingus). But even the ones who are not vaginal will still prefer a good medium size penis.

Also, who knew I can be vaginal or oral?  Such medical terms!  I have learned so much already from this dude.  He’s so enlightening.  Oh, and if I ever need to give advice to a friend, I’ll make sure to send him to “Your Chances To Satisfy Your Brand New Girlfriend.”  That will definitely boost his ego knowing that there’s a sage-like man on the internet that personally knows him and his partner’s sexual preferences.

In addition to why I like the BIG COCKZ, this guy knows why guys like me.  Awesome.  Let’s see why!

Strong female characteristics (traits):

  • gentle facial features
  • big eyes (mascara)
  • small nose
  • big lips (lipstick)
  • small jaw and chin
  • small slender neck
  • small shoulders
  • small slender arms and hands
  • big breasts with big nipples
  • small back and small waist
  • relatively big hips and bubble-butt
  • protruding genitals with big engorged inner and outer labia
  • firm curvy legs
  • small slender feet

The above characteristics are what makes a woman feminine. It is a combination of smaller versus bigger body parts. When all these female characteristics are emphasized in a certain woman, men will favor her above one with less pronounced features. She satisfies his instinct by confirming that he is dealing with a true woman.

Awesome, okay, so checklist time.  I have. . . big boobs and decently normal lips.  Uh oh, I’m not a true woman. Please excuse me while I tell my partner he’s not longer allowed to fuck me and should obviously move onto someone more feminine.

So, I’m now feeling like a burly manly lady and he continues his mansplaining:

Women consider a deeper voice more masculine, I don’t think anyone disagrees with that. (Read “Boom and Bust” at nature.com or “Seduce her in an elevator” at Men’s Health.) So why would anyone disagree with the factthat women consider a bigger penis more masculine? Accept it.

Hear that guys?  Accept it.  Big cock is fucking awesome.  You should also try to seduce me in a fucking elevator by trying to BE BARRY WHITE. God, what would you guys do without this?  Not harass women? That would be a boring world, wouldn’t it?

In conclusion, this guy is a fucking idiot.  All penis sizes are awesome as are all women.  The end.