I was going to let other people handle making posts about the now-infamous HealthyStrokes.com, but there are some things on his horrible excuse for a site that make me want to jump in as well.  Firstly, if you haven’t go read this, this and this.  By the time you do that you’ll be so enraged that you’ll have energy to write a post of your own.

So, Healthy Strokes claims to be a site giving advice about sex and mainly masturbation.  However, we’re all doing it wrong.  Want to know why?  Here are just a few reasons.

1. Masturbation on your stomach is “Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome.”
2. Anal play will result in “distention of your rectum, bleeding, and excruciating pain.”
3. Vibrator use will result in “vibrator fatigue.”
4. Dildos are just “penis shaped objects” – you should obviously want the real thing.
5. Young people who write him saying they are queer are obviously just too young to understand.

Number 5 is the one that set me off.  Take this for example.  It’s a very simple question and he manages to insult this girl’s sexuality – worst thing? – he’s so fucking casual about it.

I think I’m a lesbian. I have strong feelings for women, and men don’t turn me on. I masturbate a lot, but it only feels good for a few seconds, and then I just stop. My friends say that theirs last for a long time. We had a sleep over and we all talked about our ways of masturbating (we all do it) and we all pretty much do it the same, and I stopped first. I was a little embarrassed. I heard about oral sex. How does that work? What do females do to another? (age 13)

I hope you won’t decide for sure that you’re a lesbian until you get masturbation down (to orgasm) and learn more about how lesbians (and straights) have sex, oral and otherwise. A lot of girls your age haven’t masturbated at all, so don’t be discouraged that you’re not able to masturbate to orgasm yet.

Oh noes.  Because a girl being open about her sexuality and the fact that she’s queer at age 13 is a bad thing, you know, not a sign of courage or self-understanding.  Never.  Seriously, what the fucking hell?  What does “I hope you decide for sure that you’re a lesbian. . . ” even mean?  He wants to make sure she can experience the Almighty Lord Man Cock?  Really?  This one I just could not believe.  But unfortunately it gets better at times.

I had sex in August with this 17 year old guy. Since then I’ve been masturbating more. Is that normal? I think I’m either lesbian or bisexual. I like guys a little but I get turned on more by girls. I have a lesbian friend and I might tell her. Do you think that that’s a good idea to tell her? How do you know if you are lesbian or bi? (age 14)

It frequently happens that a girl will masturbate more once she’s been sexually active. That’s also a sign that you enjoyed sex and points to you not being a lesbian. It’s OK if you want to discuss the matter with your friend. It sounds like she’s open about her sexuality. I think you’ll know by the time you’re 18 or so based on what your fantasies are and how you react to being around males and females.

At this point you’re saying, “Saraid, why the lime green part?”  Well, obviously I’m doin’ it wrong because I didn’t realize I was queer until I was 20. Yep, 20.  This means my “fantasies and how I react being around males and females” are totally working wrong.  Damn body.

Also, she liked sex with a man.  This is obviously a sign she’s not queer, right?  Right.  Sorry, Doug.  My mistake there.  Keep on spreadin’ the good word.

There is this girl who was in my class last semester. She was also in my class the semester before that. We became friends, and I admired her smarts, confidence, and how boys were always attracted to her. She is a year older than I am. There were a lot of mean boys that would make sexual innuendos towards her. She would never really defend herself that well, and sometimes encouraged the teasing. When I first heard a comment about her ”being a stripper,” I was mad and thought she does look attractive, but I am not a lesbian and I’d rather not think of her naked. As the semester progressed, I started to become attracted to her and felt the same love and lust kind of feelings as I normally would with a guy. She was actually one of the first real people I’ve felt sexually attracted to. Do you think this is real attraction or just powers of suggestion? Also, do you think I’m gay? I think of women a lot, although I am more attracted to men. (age 15)

If you are spending this much time obsessing about someone of the same gender, you might be a lesbian. But if you’re more attracted to men, maybe it’s just a crush on this one girl. You seem pretty confused. Why not give it a year or two before you try acting on it?

Yeah Doug, because waiting for your sexuality to “sort itself out” is a great fucking idea.  My sophomore year of college when I was finally thinking for myself and not thinking about what other people thought I went on a date with a woman.  You know what this did?  It made everything make sense rather than confuse me.  I was queer and I realized it.  It was the best moment ever when I finally understood years of confusion.

But, sorry Doug.  I guess I should have just waited it out for the sake of TEH MENZ that I could have been offending.

My thirteen-year-old cousin told me he thinks he might be gay. I told him he’s still quite young to decide this. When I told him that, he became upset and thought I was discriminating against him. What should I do to comfort him and let him know I’m okay with whatever sexuality he chooses, without making him think I am sure he is homosexual? (age 15)

I think what you said was just fine.

Now, I don’t think the kid asking him this should be faulted in any manner, but this response is far from complete and far from acceptable.  He could have suggested that the kid asking listen to his cousin’s feelings, ask why he feels that way and say that he feels honored that his cousin would trust him enough to tell him something so personal.  But no, he didn’t say any of that.  Also, telling a kid they’re too young to decide if he or she is queer is ridiculous.  You are not that kid, Doug.  You have no idea what’s going on in his head or how he really feels.

As a conclusion, this guy is not qualified to give sex advice and to tell young people how they feel about their own sexuality.  This reeks of homophobia and intolerance.  This hits home with me and makes me sad that there are young people out there taking this idiot’s word.